The "Aughts," Rethought

Alan Greenspan had often attested
That inflation at last had been bested,
But his loose money vices
Inflated home prices,
Which a few enjoyed more than the rest did.

Cautionary Comparison

Said Bernanke, "Our debt looks unkempt to me,
And thriftier we must attempt to be,
For a few sidelong peeks
At the Spaniards and Greeks
Show examples that don't seem exemplary."

One Bad Apple, or a Rotten Bunch?

There's a time-honored CDO dictum,
When a firm's charged with fleecing a victim:
Every other firm too
Will conduct a review
Of the tranches it sold, and who picked 'em.

A Soft Spot in his Heart

Said the IMF head, Dominique:
"While Athens' finances are bleak,
As a good European,
I regard the Aegean
As the cradle of l'Europe Antique."

The Real Blow-Up

An eruption, intense and gigantic,
Roiled markets across the Atlantic;
This vesuvian debt,
One mustn't forget,
Is Hellenic more so than Icelandic.

Volcanomics

"Clouds of ash laid our company low,"
Says BA's Willie Walsh, who should know.
"'Tis an ill wind indeed
That helps no-one in need,"
Says Josh Silverman, Skype CEO.



Bonus feature today: Icelandic pronunciation guide!
Eyjafjallajökull = EYE-ya fyat-la YOE-kutl.

The Goldman-Paulson Case: Pro & Con

Institutional buyers of debt
Are big boys and deserve what they get,
But if some of those boys
Knew who cobbled their toys,
They may not have invested, peut-être?

Overheard at the Desk of "Fabulous Fab"

"This CDO's fit, if you please,
For a carry trade like IKB's,
With a mortgage portfolio
Hand-picked, as I told you,
By investors with deep expertise."

Abacus 2007-AC1

Said John Paulson, "Subprime will tank,
And I'd like to take that to the bank."
Said Goldman, "We'll fashion
A short you can cash in
From the Kool-Aid our dumb clients drank."

They'll Live Forever, Won't They?

Barney Frank has explained with assurance
How default swaps defaulted in torrents.
Says Frank: "AIG's
View of poor mortgagees
Was like vampires buying insurance."

Swap Talk

Said Obama: "For all of our betterment,
Derivatives need clearinghouse settlement,
But the five biggest banks
Are circling their tanks,
A politically potent impediment."

A Derivative Argument

Goldman and Morgan disputed
That derivatives must be concluded
Via centralized clearing:
"Our return's disappearing 
If this bank reform bill's not diluted."

Where's My Hedge?

Said the trader: "We've no business trying
To bet on the debt underlying;
When we want to unwind,  
We quite often find  
That the market is no longer buying."

He Hedged, and Regretted It

Said an old soybean farmer named João,
Admiring the fruits of his plow,
"My only concern is,
The money I earn is
All tied up in margin calls now."

Urgent EU Consultation

Said van Rompuy to Merkel: "I task you
With assuring Athenians' rescue."
"It doesn't look rosy," 
Said she to Sarkozy,
"But are bailouts the answer? I ask you!"

Job Market IV: A Banker's Tale

An ambitious young banker of Worcester,
Whose employer was troubled and lorcester,
When she read times were better,
Wrote many a letter,
But still ev'ry bank has reforcester.

Dr. Bernanke's Medicine

Said Bernanke, "The time is impending
To rein in our deficit spending,
And though no-one likes taxes,
To raise them in practice
Would show the recession is ending."

Job Market III: More Jobs, More Jobless

When the Feds announced more jobs created,
Unemployment kept up, unabated;
Explanation? A boatful
Of jobless, now hopeful,
Resumed searching, hopes reinflated.

Job Market II: Idling Too Long

An unemployed driver named Nick 
Said "I'll end it all on the Van Wyck. 
I think the Expressway  
Is really the best way 
To get it all over with, quick!"

Job Market I: the Census

Of the idled in our mighty nation,
Some were signed up to count population,
And for all of their trouble,
They at least counted double,
Since they also increased job creation.

iPad Purchasing Strategy

Apple's game-changing tablet device
is great, but hold onto your mice
'Til the bugs are all stamped out
By those who have camped out
To buy one right now at list price.